I awestruck, lost for words.

I'm beginning to find myself in transition whereby i'm striking a balance no more. Things are very delicate on one end while the other awaits my attention to get things done.

Initially I thought having cg and svc on sat while sun is ministry will be an ideal balance such that compromise is reduced to the minimum.

But it suddenly came as a revelation to me recently that things may have gone out of hand without me noticing it. I feel disconnected from cg and sharing of the heart which i used to have with some ain't there anymore. I just appeared to be the 'appear-only for svc and cgm' member or 'offer help when present' helper.
Whereas in ministry i helped to fulfill the needs of the department, of the service, of the leaders to a personal level but the feeling of fulfillment is no longer there. I know along the way I'm meeting the needs of others, both the ushers and the leaders but i lost the urge to have my needs met. My walk with God is also affected along the way probably?

Yup I can serve less in ministry, but does it really help solve the problem? I can start serving more in cg now, being there for the people to start with.

2 years ago things were bad enough, coz i totally missed CG on service days and most time was spent on ministry and the self awareness was not there until Vic signalled the red alarm. Perhaps then it showed that i wasn't ready for more responsibility and thus promotion never came.
This time I sense and know the difference. I'm aware of the going-ons and am not blinded by promotion. I only have the drive of wanting to do more to serve God, to make the difference in others' lives. But perhaps it's time to expand this small little capacity of mine to allow God to come in, to pay attention to both cg and ministry. The session with B.Darren just now was a start and I can see that Vic really have high expectations for me.

Yet I know ultimately, my purpose is to love God wholeheartedly, love people fervently, forming the 2 beams of the wonderful cross God had created 2000 years ago. Being a CGL or an Usher head becomes secondary now. Thanks for this revelation God. It comes in good time.
And I do know right now, there are many things waiting for me to fulfill and make it happen. :)

If I'm do called to be in UM, so be it God. ! Love you to the max!