this christmas wkend has been a rushed one. haha, busy with serving and having fun all at the same time, not to forget learning from mistakes and the shifting which took place last Sunday. Think this entire week had been a limit-breaking week and I guess I'm running tired from the many events that I was involved in.

Somehow thank God for things which had pulled through the roof and had grown to a new level. But somehow expectations for me seems to be higher than how it should be for me. On the ball for things, ensure things are running and smooth, clearing the back-end jobs etc. Too many to conquer at times. Keeping up with the standards of other leaders can be tiring but I guess it's part of the training, to be certain I had grown to a new level which is expected of me.

How many I wish I can cried for help but even if did, not many actually heard and responded. Those who heard at most could only offer a listening ear (good enough most of the time) but I couldn't be running the show alone. Times when i tried to geared up some to run with me, I've failed in it. Probably asking them to come to my level seemed too hard? I don't know. Still trying to learn how to even out that expectation.
Learning to lead and handle myself in terms of expectations onto others. Many a time I just felt like giving up, moving on to a new ground but i just stood back, cooled off and tell myself I can still do it but the brink of patience and endurance is reaching the peak. Breaking point may soon be there. Will having more people running the race to catch the fire with me helps? I'm not too sure.
Maybe when the ball is dropped someone will just come in to carry on from where it stops, doing a better job than I did? That may sound like a good idea seriously...

This season is quite discouraged in a way coz' while i'm fighting the war on the ministry end, the cg has enjoyed its fair share of victories with the record attendance for the cell group and all. Well happy for them but I didn't really contribute anything to the cell group and i quite felt myself to be a visitor than a member, let alone being a connect grp leader? Yup the cell group has been loving and thank God for them really, if not I would not have been where I am, to do the things I'm focusing on etc.
Pretty oxymoron with what I'm feeling now right? haha.. talk about mixed feelings. :S